Your Wildest Dreams

I saw a Tweet from a “friend” that said, “Fat people gross me out SO much. #sorryimnotsorry”

People bashing on overweight people just make me sick.

Let me share a bit of my personal story:

I’ve always struggled with my weight, ever since I was a little girl. I remember the first time I was called “fat” in second grade and I remember coming home and crying in my mom’s arms asking her, “what’s wrong with me?” Throughelementary school, I felt unpopular because I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup and I wasn’t skinny or pretty enough. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. My self-esteem was destroyed before I even knew what it was. In middle school, I still struggled with never being thin enough. I was only 135 pounds, but most the other girls were about 110. I was dating a guy in SEVENTH grade and he got the comment, “more cushion for the pushin’” more than once. In middle school. I didn’t even know what it meant at the time. By the time I got to high school, I was more okay with myself than I had ever been, weighing about 150 pounds. I still thought I was fat, but I had many more good days than I used to. About sophomore year, I started letting stress get to me and in order to cope, I usually turned to food. Not ever because I was hungry, but because it made me happy. No matter how stupid it sounds, regardless of what was going on food was always going to taste good. My junior year I maintained around 170-180 and I felt horrible about myself. My senior year everything was shot to hell. As many of you know, in August 2010 my father was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. My dad was my best friend and this news just shattered my world into pieces. I always struggled with depression and self-harm but this just sent my depression through the roof. I tried so many different doses of different anti depressants, AND I ate my sorrow away. The combination of the two wreaked havoc on my body and my weight shot over 200 by the time I quit my senior year and graduated at an alternative school. My weight has always been linked to my mental health, and when I was suffering so was my weight. When my dad died on March 1, 2011, I was in an indescribable black hole. I shut down. The only things I could feel were grief, anger, sadness, and loss. I wanted to die with him. My dad was my best friend, he was the greatest father a girl could ever ask for, and it was and still is overwhelming to think about all the time I won’t have him in my life. The last time I hugged my father was in his casket, and he couldn’t hold me back. I didn’t feel his warmth or softness. I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t even have him for a quarter of my life… You can imagine how much worse off I was after that loss. My weight hit 230 at it’s highest and I had never felt more isolated. I couldn’t go out into public without feeling like people were staring at me and judging me. I literally wanted to die. I couldn’t even let my boyfriend of over a year and a half touch me…

So when I see and hear people ridicule others for their weight, I get so infuriated.

I instantly lose respect for anyone that belittles someone for their size. You have no idea the battles someone fights on a daily basis or what makes them into the person they are. There are a plethora of diseases and medication, including mental illnesses and their treatments, that can cause someone to gain a lot of weight at once. Also, some people are just born that way and have no control over their build and body type. It is because of people like YOU that people are sick and die of eating disorders. Feel good about yourself that you could be the reasons harms the only BEAUTIFUL body they have? You can go fuck yourself, then. Ladies and gentlemen, you are all beautiful, no matter what the number in your jeans says, it has nothing to do with the value of your mind or your heart. Don’t listen to the ignorance of this world and never let someone else tell you that you’re not good enough or not pretty enough. Fuck that. You’re perfect.

It’s not as simple as just “getting up off your lazy ass and working out.” A lot of the time, people have to choose between their anti-depressants, birth control, and other medications that improve their life and losing weight. Also, even if someone wants to, they could be battling with so many life issues that their weight may just be too overwhelming to deal with, because unless you’ve been “big” and wanted to lose a lot of weight, you can’t understand how hard it is.

Think before you speak, think before you judge.

It’s not just “fat” and “skinny”, people are made up of so much more.

I love you all and if you’re ever struggling with body image or anything at all, I’m always going to be here.

There will always be people that degrade you for your size, the length of your nose, the shape of your eyes, the acne on your forehead… You cannot let this ignorance get under your skin. That’s all it is.Ignorance.